Crankcase

Two bags of jelly beans, a ten-year old and a Tilt-A-Whirl.

 Okay, time for the naming of the wee one. I really believe that most people without kids figure that this would be one of the easiest things to do for an expectant couple. You pick out a name that kind of fits with your last name and you're done. Nothing could be further from the truth. Not to mention there are several general rules going against you:

1. You can't tell anyone the name you picked. Tell anyone, even your spouse, a potential name and you'll hear "I knew a [name] in school and they were just the most annoying person!" Trying to find a name that has no ill memories surrounding it is almost impossible, so you just write down the name and never mention it to anyone.
2. Long last names are tough. If you like long first names, you're boned. Especially when your name sounds something like a former Soviet territory. Sabrina Kowalczyk falls off the tongue like a cinderblock.
3. Family history. We're gunning for a boy (need to keep the name running) and all the males on my dad's side started with S. Stefan, Stanley, Scott and so on. Trying to find a solid boy's name in the key of S that works well with Rules 1 and 2 is really tough.

Still, we have both managed to winnow out a lot of potential names:

• No yuppie names. If it makes you think of wealthy brats who got (and probably wrecked) three new cars before you moved out of your parent's house, it's out. No Aidans, Dylans, Montanas, Codys or anything else that would only sound cool to some trust fund freakazoid with a warehouse of Prada shoes and the attitiude to match.
• No place names. Who wants to be Camden from Camden? For that matter, Camden doesn't even want to be Camden.
• Pick-proof names. Something that makes lunchroom jokes almost impossible on them. See also: Sue, A Boy Named; Cash, Johnny.
• Just plain stupid names. Even if you mother was an ultracool superstar, would you really want to go through life named Apple?

To that end, we have a ton of workable girl names and about five boy names that might work. I can't tell you any (See Rule 1), but I will ask for your help with a middle name. Any good middle names out there besides Thomas? Hoping to stick with a T name (part of Rule 3), but not required.

posted by: Jiggsy at 01/24/05 12:04 | link | comments (8) |

Comments:

#1  24 January 2005 - 15:18

 

Apologies to my previous commentor, I'm trying to keep my real name out of this.

Points for creativity naming the child Superfly, but the schoolyard beatings would teeter on the edge of being called war crimes.

Jiggsy

#2  24 January 2005 - 17:43

 

tecumseh

they'll love him in the south probably get him laid at some important juncture in his life

JoeSchmuck

#3  25 January 2005 - 07:25

 

Was that a Civil War general?

Why not just stick with something simple (to comply with all of your rules): Timothy.

Anonymous

#4  25 January 2005 - 11:53

 

Tecumseh, hmm. If I lived a little further south of the Mason Dixon, it would be a natural. Otherwise, he's likely to be associated with lawn mower engines than anything.

Jiggsy

#5  25 January 2005 - 11:56

 

Here's the rub: I really got hooked on the name Seth(one of Adam and Eve's sons). However, Seth Thomas happens to be a well-known clock maker.

I love the name Timothy, but Seth Timothy sounds like I'm trying to herd snakes.

Jiggsy

#6  25 January 2005 - 22:39

 

Hey I can't believe you trashed Aidan after I told you I wanted to name my son that! Thanks a lot. See if I help paint anything aside from obscenities on your door while you're sleeping.

Name your kid Satan T. Lucifer after you!

Anonymous

#7  25 January 2005 - 22:39

 

jk

Anonymous

#8  26 January 2005 - 08:04

 

Sorry, I calls 'em like I sees 'em.

Jiggsy

Comments: