Crankcase

Two bags of jelly beans, a ten-year old and a Tilt-A-Whirl.

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User: Jiggsy
A thirtysomething living in the Armpit of America, New Jersey. With a wife, a house, a four-legged bullet named Maggie and a child on the way.

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Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Mmm, lunch. Turkey breast marinated in tequila and lime with homemade red beans and rice. Take that, carb counters of the world! I won’t join the Atkins cult and never will, so eating high carb foods within smelling distance of anyone who is a cult member gives me a wonderfully sadistic feeling. Kind of like driving an ice cream truck past a fat farm reeeaaaal slow.

For those who wanted proof that I do live in the Armpit of America, both geographically and literally, I submit to you this link. For those that can’t open the site (for shame, you uncultured heathens!) it concerns the fact that there’s a new crime spree hitting the Garden State. You think, What’s it this time? Jersey’s covered the black market on cars, car radios, leather jackets, pricey sneakers, bootleg videos and DVDs, maybe even a few much-needed organs. What’s left to take? My friend, this one I couldn’t even fathom.

Thieves are stealing our guardrails.

(pause for uncontrolled bout of laughter)

It seems the Chinese economy has become a huge importer of scrap metal, especially aluminum. Scrappers can get up to 80 cents a pound there, roughly double what scrap aluminum goes for here. So someone in the Garden State has been making a tidy profit skinning whole sections of guardrails in the middle of the night, leaving only empty posts and sawed-off bolts as evidence.

As if we needed any more reason to be the butt of jokes in this country.

posted by: Jiggsy at 05/11/04 10:43 | link | comments |

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