I’ve got to figure a way to break the cycle of my work week. It starts on Sunday night. Fox is on and we watch from the Simpsons straight on through to Arrested Development. Maybe get up during Bernie Mac or Malcolm to do a load of laundry, but other wise we park our carcasses in front of the Digital Altar for two hours. Two hours of expanding the gluteus maximus (and mine is maximus enough, thank you). The shows finish and often I manage to lay out my plans for Monday. Monday almost requires you to put some forethought into it, kind of like laying siege to a castle. Monday rarely pops open the gates and surrenders to you. No, you’ve got to scale the walls and undermine the ramparts and do it the hard way. Sunday night should find you deep in plans lest ye be late in a car with no gas without a lunch and payday is still four days off. So by the time I lay out a shirt and tie and finish constructing the catapults, we usually make it into bed by 11. A bit late for me, but I’m prepared. Get up with the first alarm (I have several), maybe work out a bit, make it to work on time. Monday’s siege goes well.

Here’s where it starts to fall apart. I’m running on a high from Monday. I come home, have dinner, and maybe catch an ep or two of the Simpsons. Try to do something around the house (lately it’s been ripping out the shoddy Sheetrock work in the basement from a previous owner). Get pumped up on music and good feelings about cleaning the place up and totally lose track of the time. Get to bed late. Wake up Tuesday after a few belts of the snooze button. Skip the workout, shower, dress, find something to call lunch, arrive to work late. Come home late and wanting a little food and a lot of sleep. When Tuesday night rolls around, there’s usually Something We Need To Do Together. Often it’s grocery shopping or errands of one form or another and by the time we’re done, I’m whipped like the family pig.

For those of you out there who are still single, two words of advice: Circadian rhythm. Find someone compatible with the way you run your day. If you get up with the sun, find an early riser. A night owl should find someone to rule the night with. Not so in our happy little home. The Missus has always been a night creature. She can easily stay up until midnight on any given day, while by that time I look like an extra from Night of the Living Dead. By default and commuting times, I am the early riser. Up by 6:30 and out the door an hour later. When I get home I can actually feel my energy drop off as hers starts to pick up. She’ll start vacuuming or baking or doing something at 10PM and I’m ready to hit the silk. Unfortunately, being the guilty-for-being-alive Catholic that I am, I feel obligated to stay up and help with whatever task is at hand. Bad idea.

Wednesday. Hump Day, and what a fine hump it is. Ignore the alarms. Ignore workout plans. Reduce showering time to whatever I can wash in the sink. Hope the can of beef stew I left in the office for lunch in 1999 isn’t bulging with toxins. Arrive to work late. Sleepwork throughout much of the day. Drive home in a trance. Cram some food in my pie hole and hope the idiot box doesn’t catch me deep in its flickering glow. Make it into bed too late regardless.

Thursday and Friday are about as bad, although I’ve reduced my personal hygiene to an extra five coats of deodorant and my couture is down to a pair of jeans I found on the floor and a not-too-wrinkly shirt of some kind. Pullover of course. The fine motor skills for buttoning shirts is gone by Wednesday night.

Saturday I wish would find me swaddled in bed sheets with the dog providing extra heat and the impetus to stay in bed just a little while longer. Rarely that is the case. It’s usually some familial obligation that sees us up before the noonday meal. I take some comfort in an extra hour or two of sleep Saturday night and the process begins anew.

By the way, anyone recognize the movie quote from the first sentence of today’s blog? Anyone? Well, I won’t tell just yet. This gives me fodder for tomorrow’s entry. Toss your guesses in the comments box. Extra credit if you can tell me the actor’s name. Gold star for his character’s name.

Tomorrow: political intrigue!