Crankcase

Two bags of jelly beans, a ten-year old and a Tilt-A-Whirl.

If this season is all about the birth of Jesus, I'm demanding a C-section. We're now reduced to that "cram for finals" mentality, having way too much to cook and clean and leaving precious little time for sleep, personal hygiene, and oh, we're supposed to be enjoying the holiday season, too? I myself have taken on a Gollum-like quality, complete with buggy eyes, raspy voice and general mutterings to myself. It wantsss the cookiesss, doesss it, preciousss? Careful, preciousss. In-lawsss be tricksy.

I woke up at 3 AM Monday night with my sinuses feeling like a pincushion set on fire. I asked the Missus what I could take. She mumbles, "Temperature, pressure, cookies, diamonds." I repeat my question and she says, " You're wondering about the cookies for the diamonds, right?" Okay, no help here.

I took a Benadryl and hoped it for the best. Despite the fact that Benny D does not make me drowsy (something I find almost everyone else experiences), I crashed two hours later and woke up an hour after my alarm. Went to work late, came home late and immediately went to work helping cook and clean. By 10:30, I am frying the last of the chrushchiki and the Missus and Maggie the Wonder Dog have both passed out on the couch. I send them up to bed while I try to finish hanging crystals on the dining room chandelier (Just. Don't. Ask.) I take a break and watch Futurama. I didn't see the first half, but the show ends with Fry drinking 100 cups of coffee and is able to save the day because he can move as if time has no effect on him. I'm thinking how long it will take me to brew 100 cups of coffee when I'm told to wake up and to come to bed. I was awake, wasn't I? No, she says I was snoring like mad. Okay, you win this round.

Woke up early to a deluge of rain, shaking like a junkie. Ran around the house and tried to do some of the twelve million items left on the list in the fifteen minutes I had to spare. Skipped breakfast, knowing the monstrous spread that would be at work. Our floor didn't disappoint. Doughnuts, bagels, cheeses, crackers, cookies, veggies and dip (gotta keep the pipes moving), OJ, cider, and a bit o' the nog (unspiked, mind you). Finally stopped shaking after having a mimosa (how'd that champagne get here?). Tried to do some work while everyone else hobnobbed. Even though I know there's still too much to get done today, I think I can finally relax. This Christmas is kind of like our wedding day: you finally reach a point where all your preparation and planning can do nothing more for you and you coast on inertia and willpower. I can start to feel the inertia taking over. That, or the champagne.

So, in the words of Krusty the Clown, may you all have a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, a Kwazy Kwanzaa, a tip top Tet and a solemn, dignified Ramadan. I'll see you maybe on the 26th.

posted by: Jiggsy at 12/24/03 10:16 | link | comments |

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