Warning: INF file beelzebub.sin is missing or corrupt. Opening trans-dimensional gateway to Hell.

Maybe if I take on Max Von Sydow’s priestly character from the Exorcist when I start it up: "The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!" With my luck, it’s worth a shot. If FAQs and downloads don’t work, holy water and crucifixes might.

And since we’re talking about the endless battle with machines and man, it is me or does the second Matrix movie just suck? I finally rented it the other day and, frankly, I’m not all that impressed. Granted I only have gotten up to the playground fight scene (where half of Manhattan turns into Agent Smith and plays "dog pile on the rabbit" with Neo). Still, I get the sense that everyone from Keanu to the CGI folks was just trying way too hard to impress themselves. First off, I don’t care if Mr. Reeves does Wagner’s four opera long "Ring of the Niebeling", I still see the clueless surfer dude from Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Something about his facial features always has my mind’s eye seeing him say, "Whoa, dude!" regardless of what he’s being cast in. So, points off there already.

When the first movie came out, the fight scenes were new and fresh. Crisp choreography, tight camera angles, smart use of props and actors. Sure, you knew they were using cable harnesses to do all the jumping around and such. But the choreography was smooth and it looked natural in some odd way (that slow-mo shot of the dojo with Morpheus and Neo comes to mind). In this one, it looks as if we’re treated to the first week of the Flying Wallenda’s Acrobat School. You can almost watch some of the actors reach for the cables to steady themselves. And the props don’t help this. I watched that pipe from the playground fight this morning (things you do when you’re tired…). It goes from a solid pipe whacking Agent Smiths around like cheap piñatas to having it bend like a foam pool noodle when he uses it for more gymnastic attacks. Did Nerf sponsor the fight scene? It sure felt like it.

I’ll reserve the rest of my judgement on the film until I finish it or until another poorly done shot rolls across the screen. Right now I have to type out a referral letter for my nephew. He’s aiming to go to Princeton (smart lad). He’s got no major picked out at the moment, so I have to talk about his street smarts and academic curiosity. He’s lucky I’m blessed with a good sense of PR spin, a big thesaurus, and loads of bull.